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Through the Darkness

I am a gray ocean.
The neon lights
of my heart
have detached

but the only
way out
of this darkness
is through it.

Sun, Aug 4, 2019 | Model info | Footnotes

Apathetic. Exploited. Replaceable. Disconnected. Exhausted. Angry. Overwhelmed. Uninspired. Estefanía used these words when talking to me. We’ve all felt this way, filled with darkness, with pain. Sometimes the feeling lasts a day, sometimes a week, sometimes a month, sometimes even longer. They’re difficult emotions and can cause us to think we’ve made a wrong turn, taken the wrong path. I’m not so sure about that. No matter which path we take, we’re bound to get lost in the darkness that is life from time to time.

I think the most important thing is to accept that this is a part of life, that no one’s brain chemistry is wired for constant pleasant feelings, and to try to understand what is causing the feelings and make some changes if possible. So much of the time, it helps to talk to others to figure out what’s going on inside. That can be a necessary part of healing. And even then, it can take awhile to figure it out, and it can also take some time to re-ignite once we do.

Estafanía told me she felt disconnected to the things that matter to her. It’s so important, right, to feel connected to ourselves and the things that matter to us? That connectedness brings “meaning” to life. It illuminates us internally. And we appreciate it so much more because of the accompanying darkness that life brings. My point here is just to recognize that sadness and darkness are not inherently bad. They just are, a part of us, a part of existence as a human being. They bring us equally valuable things. Life is not all sunshine and rainbows, and it shouldn’t be. It wouldn’t be nearly as magical if it were.


Additional warm and loving gratitude goes to Eder Candido Zapata for his vision in transforming the concept into what you see visually here. He is more than an amazing photographer. He is a cherished close friend.