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How cold it feels inside
when the body breaks
and you are alone
and alone and
alone again.

Sun, May 20, 2018 | Model info | Footnotes

Spending the last week in my bed for a what seemed to be endless days (even though it was only 3 days) felt so lonely. My body was unable to do anything because of aches and pains from my head to my stomach to my muscles to my chest, and so I just had to rest, to stay in bed. Most would probably agree that a day or two of watching full seasons of a series can be fun, but at some point, it isn’t fun anymore; it’s boring and depressing and lonely as hell. That’s when started thinking about what it must be like to have this issue in your life all the time because of a long-term, permanent, or otherwise untreatable debilitating illness. It made me realize that beyond the physical hardships endured, they are also dealing with psychological isolation and a type of loneliness that is hard to cure. Others around you, you can’t stop them from going out their daily activities, being present in their own lives, nor would you probably want to. But still you have to watch them as you are confined to your bed or home because you are physically unable to participate in most things due to your physical state. How much internal strength those people must have in building up a tolerance to loneliness, learning how to not feel lonely while still so isolated, learning to find peace while the desire to be around others remains. I wrote this poem because I got the tiniest taste of what going through that must feel like, and even that brought me to sadness. I think not enough people recognize that illness like that entails a kind of heartbreaking loneliness, too, and that dealing with that loneliness and learning to live with it is a whole beautiful feat. I am thinking of all of you out there who have gone through this or continue to go through it, and I am commending you with my whole heart. I will remember this when the situation passes before me, and I will put in the effort to east their loneliness in the best way I can.