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Awe

What now may rise
stepping out from under
the awe of darkness?

Sun, Dec 23, 2018 | Model info | Footnotes

This is Nora (28, Mexico City). She went through some shit in 2018, and that chapter is finally closing.

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There are periods of our lives where we are destroyed, from broken love, from insecurity, from doubt, from pain and grief and mourning. There are people we fall for who we just can’t seem to shake, even after we’ve ended things, somehow we keep going back to them. And the reason we ended things was because we ended up losing who we were, not necessarily because of them, but the combination of that person and ourselves left us as a shell of who we were. Someone we barely recognize anymore. It’s so hard when it’s over and we know it has to be over and it should be over, but we’re still in love. We don’t hate them or resent them, and so we struggle to place all that sadness, to direct it, to manage it. It’s like we wake up everyday, and the house that we live in is falling down, over and over and over, and there’s no way to stop it and no way to get out. That house is our body, and who we are lives inside. Even when we finally have the energy to pick ourselves up, to exercise and meditate and yoga and therapy the negative energy out of us, at first, it only serves as a distraction. Though, as time will tell us, eventually, slowly, it will move the brokenness out so we can feel fresh and comfortable and easy in existence again. The experience will never permanently leave, as it is a part of who we are now, but we will re-awaken, and start our lives as this new person we’ve become, taking that darkness with us and using it for something good.

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